Here it Comes - The "What Am I Doing With My Life" Post

So...What Am I Doing With My Life????

I decided about a month ago that I didn't want to go to grad school, at least not right now. I grappled with the decision as I looked over the materials I received in the mail, and then filed them away once I decided it wasn't for me. Now a friend from high school and college is coming to LA to audition and I'm freaking out. Why on earth did I decided I didn't want to audition for the best program in the country, when there is no fee and they are coming practically to my doorstep???

One of the main reasons I didn't apply initially is that I don't have three people to write letters of reccommendation for me, which is sad and unacceptable. I had a great experience working for MCT, but I shot myself in the foot since I took myself out of commission for almost two years and didn't work with any directors. Now I find myself almost three years out of college and having a crisis of confidence. And a crisis of letter-writers.

I'm very torn. I don't know what to do.

Also, I'm broke. But I'm working today, which is good. Since I'm broke, I went shopping on my lunch break. I didn't mean to, but I bought something. I bought a starlet dress. Because I'm going to be a starlet, dammit. Or at least a working actor who can afford to buy a $20 dollar dress on her lunch break. (It was way on sale. I feel like I won, buying a dress for $20 in Beverly Hills. I just looked at the tag, and it was originally $198.00. Utterly. Absurd.)

Also, we reduced our hours at Trader Joe's so we're only there two days a week, which is very nice. Yesterday I was actually having a very enjoyable shift until an a-hole customer at the end really pissed me off, but I'm not going into that. While I was having a nice exchange with one couple, they were telling me that they were musicians, and I asked what kind, and the guy said "I play with a band called Big Bad Voodoo Daddy - have you heard of them?" And I said, "Are you serious?" Very smooth, Lauren. Very Smooth. And, as I was bagging their groceries, he told his wife "She looks like that girl from Match Point - the American one." And his wife said (somewhat incredulously but I'm ignoring that) "Scarlett Johannsen?" "Yeah, her!" And I said, quite emphatically, "Thank you!"

So. Me and my broke ass are getting dressed in our on-sale dress and going out for a drink to figure out what we're doing with our life. And I look like a really hot starlet. And I don't have anyone to write me letters. And I'm in crisis mode. But February always sort of sucks, right?