Kicking myself

Yesterday I didn't go to an audition, and now I'm mad at myself.

I really didn't want to go. It was for a student pilot series and the writing wasn't bad and I would have gotten a fair amount of footage and I was pretty right for the part. But I really didn't want to go.

I justified it to myself by thinking that if I didn't want to be there, I wouldn't do my best work. I almost turned around twice, but talked myself into going, and then the last time I turned and drove home.

I knew at the time that I really should go and it's my job and this is what I want to be doing and I'm only hurting myself and it's stupid not to go and blah blah blah...

I let the fact that I lost my weekend to my sustenance job impact the few hours of free time I had, and by doing so, I didn't do what was best for my real job. I should feel bad. I got in my own way and let myself do it.

Blah. I feel whiny. And blah. Happy Monday.